i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
