He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
