I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
