So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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