Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
