My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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