I bet he comes in French.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
