My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
