Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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