R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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