judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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