im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
