Plan B is the new Plan A
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
