I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
