ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
two words: eviction party
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm too high and old for this...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
