So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
