If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
