I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
