I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
