Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
