I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
