i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
