So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Can you bring me the toilet please
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
