im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
