The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
