So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
