I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
