dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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