I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
whose ass print is on the piano?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
