The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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