hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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