i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
