If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
