You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
