So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
