somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
