Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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