hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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