Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
