I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
