in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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