is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We're too hungover to prance.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
