I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
