is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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