In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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