is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize