Only a mothe r could love this liver
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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