Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
