You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
