is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
