so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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