sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
