I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
