you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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