Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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