Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
