if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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