Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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