Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
