I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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