If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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