I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
