Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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