Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize