She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
