The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
