I think I won the penis lottery.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
