Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
