The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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