your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
