Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
