my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
