She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm having to shit out rocks
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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