I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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