yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
