I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
